5 Things I’ve Learned About Unlearning
“… if you want to continue facing life, the most important thing isn’t learning the new lessons you have to learn, it is unlearning the old ones we have to let go of.” — Humble the Poet
Unlearning has been a new learning experience. As a member of the most superior species to reside on this planet, it is necessary to have certain realizations and knowledge to keep moving forward in life. Whatever our parents have taught us since childhood aren’t always the best lessons. Though when I say this, I do not mean to completely disregard our parents’ teachings, but what I mean to say is that, we may be the superior species on this planet, but we are also pretty imperfect.
Our lessons are our own. We experience life differently and it would be unfair to impose my lessons on my friend or say, a family member who is younger, because they will most definitely experience life differently. Through self-consciousness, we grow. But as learning helps us evolve, so does unlearning. And, since we are uttering this word repeatedly in this article, here is the meaning of “Unlearn” according to the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary.
There are some common learnings we receive as children and youngsters, from our parents, who received them from their parents and so on. One issue with these lessons is that they are backdated and have failed to evolve through so many years. For example, the most common thing we have learnt from our great-grandmothers and grandmothers is the status of women in the household — that they belong mostly to the indoors and it is solely their job to keep their family thriving and intact. While this may not be the case for many people, very few households in the Indian community are progressive as such. We tend to believe traditions more than how these traditions are relevant in our present-day situations.
I have used the above scenario merely as an example here, as it will help me highlight why unlearning is the way to fix things. It is important for us to realize that it is our job to learn, unlearn and relearn throughout our lives to become a fully evolved human being.
Here are 5 things I have learnt about unlearning –
1. It challenges the map of your mind
There is a deep need of continuous upgradation of the assumptions and pre-existing learnings mapped in our heads. What once may have been an effective approach to life doesn’t necessarily remain relevant all the time. People evolve, so does their thought-process and so does their learnings. It is necessary to challenge your own ways of thinking. And how can you do that? Interact with new people, people from varied backgrounds and various professions. Communicate with people who question your point of views and try to explore the uncharted territory that lies ahead of you. You never know how a candid interaction with a stranger can change your perspective. This way, you can challenge your existing mental maps and discover new paths ahead.
2. It helps you grow new habits
Yuval Noah Harari has written in his famous book Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind that “Humans are the outcome of blind evolutionary processes that operate without goal or purpose.” As children, we often follow habits, rules and patterns our parents have incorporated into their lives. We do not question them and simply follow them as we tend to idolize their ways of life. We are exposed to the bigger world only when we are legally adults and by then, it gets a little late to make any substantial change to our lives. Unlearning helps us form new habits — mainly behavioural. It helps us see a “new model through the lens of the old.”
3. It helps you escape your comfort zone
The hard truth is that change can be immensely uncomfortable. Irrespective of how big or small, bringing changes to your life voluntarily or involuntarily can cause a lot of discomfort. Be it changing your house or giving up your old rusty bed to incorporating new habits into your daily life. Sticking to habits that are outdated is just a lousy way of staying stagnant. Every person has a different learning curve, and everyone learns at their own pace. But what’s absolutely vital is to be indulged in the constant process of learning new lessons. This is where unlearning comes into the picture. It helps us take a step back, give up our comfort zone and step into a new ground full of endless possibilities. As the saying goes, “It will never be as easy as you hope, but you’ll find it is rarely as hard as you fear.”
4. It helps you become independent
Learning can be closely associated with being dependent. And the dependency is not always on a romantic partner but includes professional, friendly, familial and creative dependencies as well. They say, we are born alone (unless you’ve a twin brother or sister, and that’s rare) and we die alone. As social animals, most of our learnings come from the meaningful (or less) relationships we develop throughout our lives. And believe it or not, these learnings associated with other people, can bring a lot of dependency. Without them, you feel your lessons are invalid. I speak from personal experience here. Learn on your own by unlearning what you learnt from them. Dependencies are unhealthy. It leads to expectations and that brings disappointment. As a result, your entire belief system crashes down. Do not let that kind of dependency grow inside you. Become independent.
5. It gives you the strength to be your dream-self
Now that we have established the biggest changes “unlearning” can bring in your life, the mother of all changes is the absolute freedom you gain from the ability to unlearn. You learn your own lessons, you establish your own rules according to what you have modified in your personal learnings and you gain the freedom to be the person you have always dreamed of becoming. Through self-realization and self-actualization, you are able to become the man or woman you want to be. Michelle Obama rightly said in her book Becoming, “If you don’t get out there and define yourself, you’ll be quickly and inaccurately defined by others.” Where’s the lie?
In conclusion, you must learn to fall in love with learning every step of the way. Learning new things can be exciting and challenging. You’ll come across things you never even knew existed. These new learnings will help you unlearn the old ones and I cannot stress enough on how important it is nowadays in a highly competitive and evolving world. Humble the Poet wrote in his book Unlearn: 101 Simple Truths for a Better Life, “I take pride in my commitment to unlearning and letting go of the stale ideas that no longer agree with me.” So should you.
